I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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