I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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