She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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