Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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