I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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