There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
