eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
