i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
this hospital has no fireball
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
