Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
