So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
