I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
