I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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