I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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