He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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