what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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