Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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