I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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