I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
