So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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