Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
