hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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