I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
