You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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