I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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