I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
