can u get pink eye on your cock?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
