I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
