Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
