We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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