Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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