he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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