glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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