party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
