Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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