Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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