she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
