We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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