It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
