There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
