I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
