I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
