maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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