I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
