hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize