This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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