I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
