yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
