Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
