He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
