Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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