Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
