you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
