I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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