just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
