I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
