Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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