I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize