i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
