I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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