Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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