The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
