My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
