we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
