Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
