Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she looked like the before picture.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
