She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
