one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
