i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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