I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
