i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
