I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
