Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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