Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
