Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
