nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize