Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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