Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
