you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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