look no pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How drunk are you?
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