Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you have to choose: penises or morals?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
