White coat. Heels.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
