just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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