lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
