bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
