I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
