just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
