My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
