At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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