God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
